If I Believed In New Years' Resolutions

At Church this morning we had a Covenant Service. The point of this was to have a covenant with God and hand over the next year to him. As it is New Year's Eve tonight (tomorrow will be 2007!) it was an appropriate time to give everything over to him. To promise things to do with attitude and commitments you are handing over to him. It is nice to say these things out loud, even though it is a major part of our faith. To read the words of the Covenant all together is somewhat invigorating.

This morning, the main thoughts that were coming into my head was about what I am doing with my life. How will the next year be any different? How will I start living and doing what I should be doing? I do love my life and the people that surround me. However, I am deeply unsatisfied with what my purpose is.

But how do you know which steps to take? It's a crucial time in my job-deciding world as to which way I go now. Any one will take years of commitment to get to where I actually want to be. So which one should I choose? I am limited by needing to stay in London (for now).

In an effort to understand these choices better, I will list them here.

Social work.

Do I want to be a social worker? I know there are different kinds - I think I would prefer to work with asylum seekers and refugees then to be a family social worker. This would entail another 3 full-time years doing a social work degree. This means a lot of money and being unable to live for the entire time of my degree.

I could become a social-workers assistant - However I still need a couple of years experience for this (which I just don't have.)

Working with The Refugee Council

I do not have enough experience to work in most of the jobs they advertise on their website. They once listed a job as a help desk worker which I could quite easily fill - let's hope one of these type of jobs open up soon.

Working with the British Red Cross, Amnesty International or Christian Aid (see any other reputable aid organisation)

I am just not qualified. Not enough experience. I have applied for jobs as assistant to people - I have gone for two interviews with the Red Cross (firmly cementing my belief that I want to work for them) but I have fallen at the last hurdle with too little experience.

I have been looking for a job under the title Research assistant/ campaign assistant - When I get to filling out the application form I end up just getting depressed. How are you supposed to get the experience to even be able to apply for these jobs?

A Masters Degree in International Development

I do want to do this - I have found an MA that you can take part-time over two years (one evening class per week). But then once again - Money! How do I find the money for this? I have barely even started paying off the debts for my BA degree. Also, I am already so exhausted when I get off of work. How on earth would I find the energy to write an essay or two on the important issues in the world?

Continue doing soul-sucking job but save up for yearly/bi-yearly working trips to Romania/Africa/Philippines

I just want to be part of a Charity organisation, an aid organisation, a campaign of some kind - what if I can only do this part time? Would I be satisfied? Is it selfish to think of the reason that I want to do these are to be satisfied?

What if I start on any one of these routes and find that it is not what I should be doing? I am soooo not on the right route now, but how on earth do I get off of it? It's like a full-steam ahead train ride that doesn't stop until final destination, until at the point when it will just be too late to turn back.

I'm sure that once I make one small step things will be clear. Perhaps writing this out will help me in some way. All I know that is whenever I am sat in Church I end up thinking 'what am I doing?' Particularly when we are giving our lives over to God for the next year. What should I be sacrificing for God? What should be my first step?

It is Spookily Quiet

The Christmas time is over.

That is such a sad sentence to type! I had such a wonderful time with familiy and re-visiting traditions. I was glad that Conrad was able to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with us.

I'm still a bit hazy and full up of oyster stew, pheasant and cheese-ball so my brain is taking a little while to kick in. I suppose I'll put up just a couple more pictures of Christmas time.

And here's a sledding picture for old times' sake (1994).

This year on Boxing Day (for further explanation please see The Daily Gazelle) Conrad and I spent the day with his mom and her new husband at their house with the step-familiy. We had Christmas dinner again with a massive turkey. It was scrumptious! So we had two Christmas dinners this year! Conrad's mom has had a bit of a full and somewhat stressful year. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in November and has had the lump removed, and is currently going through radiotherapy and hormone therapy. She is in the clear now, so it was a relieved time over Christmas, but I think it came as a bit of a shock to everyone around her at how fragile life is. She has just re-married this summer and is enjoying the first Christmas with her new husband.

I'm so glad that I'm not back to work today with the rest of the world. Being 'home' in Manchester with so many familiar people and places has been so wonderful and De-stressing. I don't keep it much of a secret that I hate my job - And I am NOT looking forward to going back. I am just so happy that I can spend this week here, perhaps trying to sort out the future and how I can start doing what I actually want to do rather then what I need to do for money's sake.

Bring on the New Year with New Beginnings!

Spirit of Christmas Past

1983: Christmas on Old Hall Lane

Being read 'Jolly Old Santa Claus'

The Christmas Tree Shot:

January - I remember this snow-chair being absolutely massive!

And only 2 miles away from Old Hall Lane:

(Conrad is on the left)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Panicky-Train-Rachel

All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go!

I'm sat at work waiting for the go-ahead to leave early. The office is dead because all of the million-pound-paid bankers are off skiing or buying their wives Mercedes, or whatever it is they do around Christmas time.

Luckily this means that I might get off 3 hours early! Then I am off to get the train 'home' to Manchester. Hopefully the travelling should be straightforward - however due to massive amounts of fog around London, most flights are cancelled - meaning most people are running frantically to get the same train that I am hoping to get. Should make for an interesting evening!

The train from London to Manchester has become one of my old haunts. I love it. It's peaceful and relaxing. I love travelling and have a strange affinity to trains - I think this has something to do with when Allie and I would travel for miles in Switzerland to get to school, and has been affirmed by my trips inter-railing around Europe. Your brain automatically switches to deep-thinking mode and it makes for some good pondering-time. Especially with a walkman.

But for some reason, busy train stations in London have a habit of making grown men and women into complete animals. I have somewhat gotten used to this but it still shocks me every time I see it. There are usually about 100 people waiting for the same train at the same time, watching the platform information. As soon as the platform comes up onto the screen it is a stampede to get to the train. People run as fast as they can to get there. I don't really understand why this is - most people have seat reservations. What is the point?

Euston station is the breeding grounds for grown business men and women turning into rude and uncivilised people! I actually saw someone pushing by a lady on crutches. A lady on crutches! So today, panicky train Rachel will rear her head until I get to Manchester. I'll probably end up sitting in the hallway on my suitcase - but I would much prefer that then joining the herds of people running to catch a train and in the meantime completely trampling over their Christmas Spirit.

But There's no place like home for the holidays!!!!

Show and Tell

I've taken a few pictures over the past week (Both Christmas/Birthday and other). I've been taking them on my phone camera, so they aren't the best quality. But, they'll do!

Here is the first Christmas decoration bought my first year away from home:

Right now he sits on top of the TV. He makes me chuckle because he appears ready to deliver presents at a moments notice.

Here is the tree. I think it looks more beautiful by night, so I didn't want to use a flash.

This is one of the Christmas ornaments my parents got me from Israel. There are about 6 of them, and they all are different aspects of the nativity.

This is the nativity set that my parents got me from Israel. I wanted to wait until I had a better picture, but it appears to be difficult to catch the beauty of it on a cameraphone! It's quite different from Allie's nativity from Israel, and they seem to represent our tastes quite well. This one is made out of olive wood.

Here a couple pictures of the Christmas lights on Regent St. It's definitely impossible to show how amazing they look in real life. There are one of these next to every street light.

And here are some of the other lights on Regent Street. They're massive chandeliers made out of lights.

Looking through the pictures of my Birthday was nice, but I came across the offending items of my illness this week:

They look so innocent and delicious. Little did we know..

Here is the package that Conrad had hidden in the laundry room:

I wish I'd had the thought to take a picture of the un-wrapped version! It's an antique 1920 massive suit-case trunk. It's not to be used as a suitcase, but for storage. I love it!

And here's Conrad and I on Tower Bridge (walking distance from home) It is *seriously* impossible to get Conrad to look normal in a picture. Here, he was singing "How I love you.. how I love you Swany..." In a strangy strangy voice.

I'm off out tonight on our Staff Christmas Party. I hope everyone has a happy Wednesday!

The Spirit of Christmas Present

Well the ol' salmonella has got me in a bit of a Christmas slump, so I'm going to talk determindely and incessently about it and do as much as humanely possible to keep in The Seasononal Mood! Therefore I will write my first Meme. Sorry guys if you're sick of everyone else's Christmas meme's, but I desperately want another reason to talk about Christmas.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?

Chocolate would win over anything at any other point of the year - but festivity calls, and egg nog it must be! Particularly the home-made creamy kind... Mmmmm...

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?

Santa most definitely wraps the gifts, disguising them with intriguing-shaped packages. i.e.: a ring would be wrapped in around 8 different kinds of boxes and end result would be an enormous giraffe-shaped package.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?

All the colours of the rainbow! My favourites being blue, red and green!

4. Do you hang mistletoe?

I've never really had that tradition, but I suppose there's a time to start! Although, wouldn't that give all the perves of the world a strange window of opportunity?

5. When do you put your decorations up?

As soon as people let me. I do wait until after Thanksgiving- but It takes all of my willpower not to put them out the day after.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?

Sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top.
The pheasant my dad has taken to cooking every year.

Mom's dark and creamy home-made chocolate fudge.

Creamy oyster stew on Christmas Eve.

Nutty fruity fluffy stuffing.

Home-made chex party mix (not made with Chex, but with shredded wheat)

Pretty much everything and anything my parents make at Christmas time!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?

One holiday memory? Please see number 13!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?

Um - excuse me. What truth about Santa? Santa comes and fills my stocking every single year.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

Our family opens all our gifts on Christmas Eve after stuffing ourselves with oyster stew, crackers and a giant cheese ball. I think opening the presents on Christmas Eve comes from Swedish tradition - It's nice to hear that other distant family members do this too. I dread the day that I may have to change the tradition. It just wouldn't be the same!

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?

With thousands of colourful lights and a memory hung with each ornament.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?

I absolutely love snow. And miss it. We all ask for a white Christmas here in England but when it arrives it's all gray, wet and sludgy - Not exactly the dream-like white Christmas we wish for!

12. Can you ice skate?

Yes, I definitely can. In Switzerland I used to go quite often. One of my favourite presents from when I was a kid was my very own pair of white ice skates. MAN I wish my feet hadn't grown to be narrow mini-canoes!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?

Apart from the beatiful ice skates, one Christmas gift does stand out in my memory. I'm sure both of my siblings would agree that this is a memorable one! I think I was around 7-8 years old, and we didn't have a VCR. All of us desperately wanted one. That year, we were convinced we were getting one for Christmas.

One morning (I think we may have been watching Happy Days with our cereal) my dad brought in a curiously VCR-looking package that was quite heavy. It was placed in the corner of the Christmas tree arrangement. My sister and I giggled away with excitement and knowing faces. "This is it!" we cried. "Our lives will now be fulfilled by movies galore!"

When my dad came back into the room we asked him with knowing voices "Who's this for? Is it for us?" Where he answered "No my children. This one is a special present for your mother." we were devastated. All our hopes for Christmas had been dashed! Dashed I tell you!

You won't be surprised to hear that during the Christmas Eve opening ceremony, mom's present was the last package under the tree that year. All of our presents had been opened, and we were all slightly anti-climaxed with the evening (No more presents to open? No VCR?) As mom started to open her special rectangular shaped present, she asked us all to join her in opening it, as it was "just sooo big!"

As we stripped away layer and layer of wrapping paper (please refer to Question Number 2 for reasoning) our excited little hands started *literally* shaking with delight and excitement. They had foiled us!!! They had given us the best surprise present ever!!! Our beloved VCR!! We danced around the wrapping-paper filled room in our new fluffy Christmas PJs like we had won the Olympics. I can honestly say that my 7 year old moment of pure and real excitement is one of the best feelings I have ever felt. Bizarre? I think so! But I still remember those few moments after we opened that present, where we felt that we truly ruled the world!

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?

Being around family. Which makes it difficult that I can only be around my parents! But I still get excited for the future for one Christmas where we might *actually* spend the holidays together.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?

Pecan Pie! Chocolate Fudge! Do you really want me to do this again?

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

The whole Christmas Eve thing - Also, going to Church on Christmas morning. Even though as a kid I used to slightly resent it, I really do find it the most important thing on Christmas Day. As a side note, I do love the excuse to sit for hours putting together a puzzle.

17. What tops your tree?

My tree at home always had a home-made Christmas star that my sister made when she was a kid. At the moment I don't have anything.

18.Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?

Giving!!! Giving!! I love to see people's surprised faces. I love it.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?

I don't have just one favourite - One of my favourites is Cliff Richard's version of Oh Little Town of Bethlehem. Very 80's. But I love it so! I've just gotten into Jewel's Christmas album and can not get 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' out of my head. I love her version!

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?

I love candy canes. You can't get them in England, and that makes me sad.

So now you've mosyed through my first meme, go check out my cousin's Christmas memes too! And if you so desire, write your own! It's actually very good for keeping the spirit up!

Salmonella Blues

There is a reason for my lack of blogging in recent days - I haven't just bored of it suddenly!

I had an absolutely wonderful, delightful (surprising!) run up to my Birthday. Every night of the week brought a new and exciting dish from Conrad's busy hands - and I was not disappointed with my Birthday surprises!

One of the special treats Conrad prepared was an amazing 3-course sea food meal the night before my Birthday. There were oysters and king prawns, finished off by a wonderful Thai monk fish stew. Beautiful.

I am finding it hard to describe it in too much detail, because on Friday we both came down with a bad case of food poisoning. We think it must have been the oysters.. So much for decadence and fine dining! I would love to take you step-by-step through my Birthday and all the treats I had but I am still finding it difficult to muster up any energy at all at the moment.

Both Saturday and Sunday were spent in bed/on couch trying not to run off to the bathroom.. This is where you will be glad that I am sparing you the details! I went to bed at around 7 last night and woke up this morning to go to work. I really did not want to go, but 2 of the 4 people on our help desk are on holiday this week, so if I didn't come in there would have only been one person. And I know for sure this would not have been good! I would have felt guilty for the next 10 years for doing that to someone.

I'm also sad because I had a very busy weekend planned. On Friday night we were meant to go to Manchester and hang out with Best Bud and have the official Best Night Ever. On Saturday I was meant to celebrate my Birthday with the folks and a Large Ceramic Pot of Fondue. And then on Sunday go to aforementioned Longsight Church and watch the Nativity. It makes me so sad that I missed all of these things!

I can only be glad that we got sick on the little window between Birthday and Christmas.. I can not imagine being sick on Christmas day. Now that would be bad!

Official update of Birthday (with pictures) will come later...

A Quarter Century of Rachel

Tommorrow I turn 25.

I feel like I have to write that sentence and say it over and over to make sense of it.

25!!??!!

That is a quarter of a century! I have always been the baby.. Baby of the family, baby at work, baby of all my friends. Now I am well and truly rooted in my 20's.

This brings strange mixed feelings for me.

- A little bit of panic about what I haven't achieved that I really thought I would have by now.
- A smidgen of pride of where I have been and my world-view
- Complete happiness and understanding of how lucky I am to be surrounded by people who love me and understand me.
- Anticipation and excitement for the next year - I have high hopes for what is to come!

I absolutely love surprises. Even if something is boring and horrible, as long as it's a surprise, I like it! I can't imagine telling somebody what I want for Birthday/ Christmas - it just takes away all the joy and excitement.

Conrad has become the Master-Surprise-Maker.

I came home last night to find this on the door of the laundry room:

Apparently the FBI came by last night and blocked the room off due to some anthrax in our washing machine.

Who would have thought it?

Things I Miss (The Curse of the T.C.K.*)

- Brahms Ice Cream (Bethany, Oklahoma) - Mint Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

- Typhoon rains (Manila, Philippines)

We would run around outside in shorts and t-shirts absolutely drenched. The hot tarmac would give off thick, humid and tropical scent, and it was possible to sit and listen to the sound of the rain on the roof for hours.

- Having freshly washed, ironed and folded T-shirts and jeans every single day by a loving toothless Meena (Manila). Thanks to Sema for this memory!

-Swimming in the Rhein river (Buesingen, Switzerland)

Our childhood summers were filled with barefoot walks up to the furthest point of the riverbank in Buesingen and swim down to where our hosue was. After becoming more daring, a crowd of us would get driven up to Stein-Am-Rhein bringing a floatation devise for the faint-hearted. I think the longest time it took for us to float down was 4 hours.

- Spirit Week, Faith Academy (Manila)

Every year, the school had a themed week (promoting school spirit) where everyone wuold dress up to a daily theme. There was Twin Day, half/half day.. I have so many pictures at home that I wish I could show - they're just not digital! At the end of the week we would have a massive party where everybody got involved and everybody had a good time.

- Longsight Church (Manchester)

This is my home church. It was built when I was a kid an my dad was the pastor for the first 8 years of my life (on and off). The people are just really good honest, accepting Christianis.

-Chicken Adobo (Manila)

I try to make this at home and I just can't do it! What did they put in that stuff? (to be honest, I probably don't want to know) For a whole year during 8th grade I would feast on this with a massive Mountain Dew to wash it down in the canteen at Faith Academy.

-All of my friends from Faith Academy (Manila)

There is no way that I can see most of them again. All of us have scattered around the world in places that I won't ever be able to afford to visit. When I do go back to visit Faith Academy it will not be the same place I remember.

-Sledding (Switzerland)

Sledding was a staple Christmas acitivity. I was home-schooled for a year by my mom and we would sometimes use ENBC's library as my school room. The library had wall to wall windows, where a 12-year-old child Rachel found it very difficult to concentrate on anything other then how fast I could get my sled to go, and what kind of humps I could create to skip over. It was not a constructive 5th grade winter term.

-Being with all of my family members at the same time.

These are just a few of my thoughts whilst sitting here at work. A lovely way to escape and remember things so far away from this civilised English world I live in.

*TCK: "refers to someone who [as a child] has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own, thus integrating elements of those cultures and their own birth culture, into a third culture".^(Wikepedia)

My Sunday in London-town

I have found it difficult to find a Church that I like in London. There are plenty of churches to choose from, but I suppose throughout my life I have been spoilt as far as churches go. I have always been surrounded by Theologians and musicians in the churches throughout my childhood. In the past year, I have left church on a Sunday feeling rather... disappointed. Sometimes confused, sometimes a little scared…

I sit either questioning their theology in my head, or cringing because of the ‘singer’ up front who seems to think they’re giving a concert. Once, I even thought I might have to get up and leave because I thought they were about to start ‘slaying in the spirit’. It can be a little too much for my Church-thirsty mind to face up to on a Sunday morning. But this could fill about 15 posts, so I will continue with the story.

Yesterday we decided to go to St. Paul’s Cathedral for Choral Evensong. It only takes 13 minutes on the bus and Conrad had never been inside before.

My apartment is in South London, so every morning on my way to work I cross over Blackfriar's Bridge and have an absolutely amazing view of all the London sights. On the right, I have Canary Wharf, Tower Bridge and St. Paul's Cathedral. On the left, you can see the London Eye, the edge of Houses of Parliament and the Oxo Building. This is one of my favourite things about living in London - instant access to sites and events that people travel from accross the world to see.

When we got there, we realized it wasn’t actually Evensong, but they had an organ recital. We made our way up the aisle to the choir stands to get the best possible organ experience. It lasted for about half an hour, and it was loud! I’ve never been a massive fan of the organ, but the notes were at full volume, and whilst looking at the ornate ceilings it gave me chills from my feet to my hair.

As Conrad said, it truly felt like we were in God’s house. Just to soak up the history of decades of people worshipping there, listening to organ pieces that people have been listening to since 1700's - probably in the same place we were sat yesterday.

Seriously breath-taking.

**In other very exciting news, Conrad received a call this morning letting him know he has his first paid acting job, starting on Monday!**

I am very excited!

O Tannenbaum O Tannenbaum!

Decorating the Christmas tree has always been one of the highlights of Christmas for me. My entire family would trudge out in the wintry night to select one of the many eager Christmas trees waiting to be picked. I’ve always been a fan of the Scotch pine – probably because this is what my family have always had. They’re just so full of character – never the perfect archetypal Christmas tree shape, but bushy and excitable.

Every year when we got home my father would busy himself in the front room for a while de-tangling the lights and placing them in the *perfect* positions so that if you squint at the tree they are in the exact right places.

Kate Smith would magically appear through our speakers, telling us the story “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem”. Later on in my life, I would be told by Conrad that whenever I sing these songs I use Kate Smith’s voice intonation. (Perhaps not such a good thing)

After munching down on some dinner and getting terribly impatient, we would congregate around the tree. Sometimes we would all go put on our green and red clothes to be all the more festive and cheery.

Mom and dad would take out their ornaments that they bought on their very first Christmas together (35 years ago), and over some memory-fuelled glances would hang them pride of place in a central position. After their ornaments were proudly placed on the tree, the three of us would take out the ornaments we had been given when we were babies and place them up one by one. My dad has taken these pictures this evening (whilst they are decorating their tree) and sent them to me so I can post them!

This ornament is special because it has been with me since my first Christmas memory. I would place it (and all other ornaments luckily enough to be picked by my chubby baby hands) on the bottom branches of the tree, where my parents would later move it to a more appropriate resting place.

At the moment I don't really have any meaningful ornaments. (*sigh*) I have found it really difficult to find any nice ones here in England. Conrad has informed me that apprently buying Christmas tree decorations isn't as important here - they buy new ones every year and dispose of them.

So I suppose this is the perfect time to start building new traditions and collecting new memories.

At Least I'm Not In A Drive-In Movie

So, London has been hit by a tornado.

Not the same kind of mile-wide tornados that hit Oklahoma or any of the other States, it was quite a smally. But a Tornado? In London? It reminds me of when my family and I went to watch 'Twister' in a drive-in movie the day before we flew to Oklahoma. I did NOT want to go! That movie firmly cemented my fear of tornadoes - pretty much the same as what Jaws has done for sharks. And now we're having these bad boys in England??!

"Witnesses said there was heavy rain and sleet, then debris flying through the air." (BBC)

Global Warming is indeed an interesting phenomenon!

Some Silly Things

Well after my rather glum day yesterday, I wandered on home to find that my precious mini had been towed from outside my apartment. Not exactly what I felt like coming home to! But, the less said about that the better, so...

I will take the lead from my sister and write some weird (silly?) things about me.

* I type everything I hear in my head. I type signs I see on the roadside, I type what people are saying to me. I have done this since I took keyboarding class in Middle School. I used to find it really annoying, but now I'm so used to it I just type on away in my own little world.

*I really really like boy movies - the kind that girls aren't supposed to like. The shoot-em-up, loud music, fast-cars kind of movies. It makes it a lot easier when my boyfriend and I are picking a movie to watch.

*At one point when I was around 20 I realised I didn't really know what my natural hair colour was. I was always either putting high-lights in it or dying it red.

* I don't like cream. It's the only fattening thing that I don't like, so I'm continually testing myself with it - but I think I've finally realised, I just really don't like it. Just hand me over the chocolate sauce with chocolate chips on top of chocolate ice cream with chocolate shavings and I'll be fine, thank you very much.

*I like to drive bare-foot.

That's enough for now I think! I'm off to collect my car from car prison..

Skip today please, bus driver!

I think that there are some days you should just skip by. That you shouldn't concentrate too much on anything that's happening and just sort of let it end. Quickly.

Today is one of those days. There is nothing terrible happening, I am not severely depressed, and I haven't got a broken leg or anything.. which I suppose makes it harder to describe. It actually makes me laugh how a small but constant succession of tiny events can make you just go 'Okay, I give up. I'm going to go home, take a bath and just zonk.'

My job has shifts that you work - some weeks you start at 9:30am and some weeks you start at 7am. I am on the 7am shifts this week. I have an idea that this may have something to do with it. Less then 8 hours sleep and I just can't seem to function properly. My body thinks that I'm still in bed dreaming, so doesn't mind so much about being accurate in it's choreography.

I woke up this morning and found my socks that I had laid out weren't actually socks, but sock tights. And that there was a massive hole in the left toe. So after stumbling around looking for the clean laundry I had washed the night before, I found a pair that actually somewhat matched.

I then went through to the bathroom to do my make-up. I turn on the light and look up into the mirror. "What is that!" I cry. "Who is this strange red-eyed monster?" I exclaim! Last night I had cooked meatloaf for the first time in my life. I don't know why, but I had a strange hankering for some old-skool American food, some every-day meatloaf and jacket potato. Whilst cooking this gourmet meatloaf, I somehow managed to get a massive speck of the stuff in my right eye. (oh why couldn't i have been experimenting with lobster?) After washing my eye with water, I continued on my way and merrily gobbled the meal up with no consequence.

So I was un-pleasantly surprised to find that over night my eye had turned into a massive red ball balancing inside my head. I was not pleased. It has gotten redder and redder all day - I'm not sure if I have scratched it or something, but I'm hoping it goes away soon - I think it's taking away my body co-ordination.

So after this mini-trauma I make my way outside to trek to the bus stop. At this time in London (6.30am) it is still quite quiet and calm. It's very pleasant to walk to the bus stop with the friendly moon still overhead, halfway down the sky, massive and yellow, so close to the horizon. I am thinking of how peaceful it is when the sound of hard, thick hail starts to pound all around me. Luckily I have brought my trusty umbrella with me (the Englishman's necessity) but it's £2.00 flimsiness is not quite strong enough for the gale winds that are subjecting themselves onto me. I'm glad the streets were so quiet, otherwise people would have witnessed a strange dance between a tall woman and a colourful umbrella - a feeble attempt for umbie not to go inside-out.

Once at the bus stop, I breathe a sigh of relief. I still have 20 minutes to get there, and the roads are quiet. Surely I will get there on time? Alas, 2 full buses passed me on by and I was left standing, ragged and confused . I finally arrive to work (around 15 minutes late) and fluster around for a little while. I'm alone in the office, and the WORLD wants to book things *now*. I forget to ask somebody how they want their room set up and later the technician comes back to me and gives me a little snidy 'can you please do that right next time..' Normally I would just think 'Whatever! It's chair-organisation, not solving world hunger!' Today, I have to use up a whole lot of energy to not start crying. What kind of wuss starts crying at that?

So I decide to pop to the bathroom and re-apply my make up, and once again get completely stunned by the redness of my eye. By this time I have decided to stop trying to have a good day. Just get on with it, go have lunch, finish all my duties and trundle on home.

I go on over to the kitchenette and start preparing my little packet of prawn-flavoured ramen noodles. I go back to my desk and start surreptitiously slurping. Half way through, I somehow manage to snap my plastic spoon, flipping noodles and sauce all over my monitor and onto the freshly-pressed white shirt I am wearing. I think I even managed to flip a dedicated trickle into my good eye.

None of my colleagues are too surprised. I don't have a good of a track record for co-ordination. Only weeks ago I had been walking to my desk when someone had asked me a question and I looked around - Only to trip on somebody's desk-chair and fall flat on my face, on to the only man who works in my offices' lap. This is when I started to re-think the choice of shoes I was wearing. When buying them, I had stiletto-tainted flash-backs from my childhood in the 80's when all the glamorous women on TV and movies were wearing them. I found them strangely repulsive, but at the same time, they called to my mini-Rachel that had always so desperately wanted a pair. So the whole ramen-noodle incident didn't really register with anybody.

Nothing at all traumatic has happened today. Nobody has said anything that I will remember in a week's time. I haven't hurt myself, and nobody has done anything wrong to me. But I would quite like to go straight home, run a bath and reserve my right as a grouchy woman and just soak until I look vaguely like a relaxed prune.

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling!

Last Thursday some people from my work decided to go to a...

Roller Disco!

I think I can safely say I haven't had as much fun since I was a kid. At first I was worried that I wouldn't remember how to skate, but as soon as those babies were on my feet, there was no stopping me! Memories came pouring back to me from the days when I practically lived on skates.

The venue was an ancient warehouse that had been converted into a massive club. There were three rooms you could skate in, each room bigger then the other. The third and final one was a room where your legs could really get into a skating frenzy!

All the rooms had their own DJs with different music. The decor was also very impressive - chandeliers and black and white textured wallpaper with velvet covered ceilings (pictures never do justice in dark rooms!):

The pictures here were taken by my colleague. I wish I had taken my own camera, because some of the dancers in there were TRULY amazing. They danced on skates as though they lived their lives to skate and spent all week planning their outfits and routines. But they were just sooo much fun to watch! And the outfits did not disappoint - from hot pants and hot pink legwarmers to fake 'fros. At one point in the night all of the skate-dancers had a 'skate off'. They were free-style roller dancing and really going for it.

Pure adrenaline rushed through me as a whizzed around rooms attempting to stop with the breaks (does that ever work?). I didn't want to stop. By the end of the night my butt and toes were just hurting so bad that I had to give in and sit down. I will definitely be going back.

Long Live the Roller Disco!

How Many Christmas Trees Can You Fit in a Mini?

Yesterday was the day we went and bought a Christmas tree. We were kind of limited as to what we could get, as we don't know where the nearest garden centre is and we would have to fit it into the mini to get it back home. We did, however, manage to get a 6 foot Normand Fur in there.

We've managed to fit all sorts of odd things in there before, so we felt certain it wouldn't let us down with the Christmas tree!

Tree + Mini = Uncomfortable Conrad

After my description of Christmas the other day, I thought I would post some pictures of the afore-mentioned Christmas treats:

There's a German grocery store here that sells all the things that remind me of Germany - and we found a little gem of a Christmas decoration that I mentioned before:

This is the one we bought:

This is the giant one at the Christmas Market in Manchester:



For size reference, that's a lampost to the right of it.

On a different note, I accidentally deleted my old template and my previous comments disappeared with it! What a palava!

These are a few of my favourite things

Tomorrow is the first day of December, and I am excited. Every morning I wake up with a little ball of lightning excitement in my tummy. My 25th Christmas time and I am still this excited.

It’s not JUST Christmas day that I look forward to – the whole month of December is one long cheerful celebration.

I can go to the store and buy as many in-season juicy and sour clementines that I want – and I can eat them to my heart’s content.

The Christmas lights on Oxford/Regent St. in London are amazing. You would have to be completely soul-less not to stop and just breathe in the Christmas spirit. I will have to go out and about with the camera soon so I can share the man-made beauty.

English food is just soooo good at Christmas time (actually, doesn’t all food taste better around this time?) Leg of lamb with a red wine gravy, Cumberland sausage and mash, pheasant, steak and ale pie, sticky toffee pudding…

I also have along list of movies I need to watch - and I don't mean *want* to watch but need to. For the world to be a better place.

Among my favourites are:

It's a Wonderful Life Scrooged Love, Actually Holiday Inn White Christmas The Grinch Miracle on 34th St. Black Adder's Christmas Carol Scrooge

The German Christmas market is up full-swing in Manchester. It is beautiful – absolutely breath-taking. This year they have a giant Christmas pyramid in the centre of Albert Square. You can eat ginger biscuits and shop for beautiful crafted ornaments whilst snacking on maroni (freshly roasted chestnuts) They even sell a nice Gluhwein that you can warm your hands on whilst window shopping around the squares. I just love it.

My parents brought me home a nativity set from Israel this summer. It's made out of olive wood and I just can not wait to set it out. If it was up to me, it would have pride of place in the living room from September till March. I just love it. Saturday is the day we are getting a tree and setting out all the Christmas decorations. Yippee!

So with great twinkling of eyes and a voice full of anticipation I say to you for the first time this Christmas;

'Frohe Weihnacht uber all!'

Overheard (a.k.a. Please Go Buy An Atlas)

“Afghanistan – That’s in India right?”

I Am From...

I am from candles,
from Tums and Macleans
I am from the rainy, orange-tinted streets.
(and moistened top-lip in typhoon-type winds)

I am from the edelweiss flower
willow tree, fresh mangoes
From 10 varieties of banana
blackberries growing like weeds in the field

I am from opening presents on Christmas Eve
and stubborn backbone
from Dwight and Kathy

I am from strong moral fibre
and stubborn opinion
From eat with your mouth closed
and pray with your hands together

I am from mom plays the piano up front
and my dad knows better
I’m from Manchester and Sweden
lefsa and award-winning goop

I am from the time grandpa chopped off his thumb
The Red Feather museum with Aunt’s lace heirlooms intact
From dad’s bare foot summers:
Minnesota and fireflies.

I am from family portraits on Daisy Bank wall
From round-table memories and wall-papered slides.
And snippets of cousin’s stories

around s’more-making fires

Apparently, Goldman Sucks.

There has been a protest outside of my building every day for the past week. It has been so bad that we haven’t been able to leave the building at times – There have been police vans parked outside on Fleet St. and policemen barricading the revolving doors.

The protest is on behalf of the cleaners that work in my building – apparently Goldman Sachs do not pay them enough money, and they don’t even get sick pay or holiday pay. What do you think they would do if I ran downstairs and joined the protestors? I’d probably get sacked.

When issues come up like this around the workplace (the fact that I am booking video conferences for bankers that cost more then a first class flight would cost for 10 people*) I think back to my International Development classes at University. I would end up sitting there sheepish and embarrassed that I worked for Starbucks, shamefaced that I bought my fruit anywhere else other then Co-op, completely mortified that I would even think of missing one of the rallies or protests down-town.

I wonder what my tutors would think of me now, sitting in the office of corporate money in my pencil skirt, chatting happily away with all the millionaire bankers, passing the protesters by inconspicuously.

It’s interesting where the tide takes you.

*ok, let me breathe and say that again - a hi-tech video conference costs around the same as the people mosying on over by first class to the other location and speaking face to face. Ah!

The American In Me

I have stumbled upon the age old problem of finding a job. It’s the horrible Catch 22 where I don’t have experience for what I want, but I can’t get experience because I can’t get a job. This is no surprise, as I am sure millions of people in their 20’s are experiencing this.

The only problem is, I starting doing office jobs right out of university for money – Easy Money. My typing speeds are shockingly fast for this keyboard-illiterate country that I live in, so I found it pretty easy to get a well paid office job. I am now highly qualified for administration/helpdesk jobs.

How do I get out of this?

Every day I come into work and spend hours online (my job is so mentally challenging that I can do about 10 things at once whilst still being able to look like I’m working as hard as ever). I don’t want to live in an office. It is so against every single part of my body and soul.

But I am stuck.

Once again, I know this is a common dilemma – I just feel like a prisoner. I come to work and I have to morph into another person to be able to stand it.

Who cares if a millionaire banker gets to have an audio call with his video conference? This is NOT life or death! The world operating solely on money depresses me.

My worst nightmare as a pre-teen was to grow up and become normal. I think I still have an aspect of this inside me – I was always so scared that if I lived in England for too long I would completely forget all my childhood in Switzerland and my young teens in Manila. I suppose this is impossible, but just imagine! What if I became one of them! To be dis-satisfied, unhappy, unfulfilled, and find that completely acceptable!

So many times I hear my colleagues talking about their aspirations like they’re dinosaurs or unicorns. I want to shout at them and say ‘If you want it to happen, do it! Work for it! There is absolutely nothing stopping you!’

Is this what they call the American Dream? I was brought up knowing in my heart that Anything Is Possible. Absolutely anything. To quote a very cheesy (classic!) movie, ‘If you build it, they will come’. Hope, excitement and open roads is what it’s all about. And I really do worry sometimes that sitting here in this plastic office with its carbon copy employees and repetitive phone calls is killing just that: the understanding that Anything Is Possible.