When I started this blog, I had a lot to say and I wanted to say it as quickly and passionately as I could. I have a feeling writing on here helped sort my head out, and incidentally has helped me sort my life out, too. So in a sense, I never feel like I need to spill my guts somewhere where people will listen to me and understand me, or if not at least the Internet would.
Therefore, this site will be on temporary leave. I just wanted you all to know so that you could take me off of your lists (if you have me on there in the first place). Because at the moment, my mind is clear and I feel calm in myself. No need to let the liquid fire out of heart and mind, through my fingertips and onto the computer screen.
It's funny that the times when you're most trapped and unhappy are the times when you write the best. What happens to the tortured artist when they are no longer tortured?
So I am here, I am happy and may even write now and then, but I don't feel like I have anything to write about anymore with passion.
So, au revoir. For now.
Thursday, June 12
Sunday, June 8
Soon to be a traveller again...
Soon, we will be enjoying our first two weeks of marriage in a villa with our own private pool, near this amazing lagoon in Greece.
I'm not sure if I can actually wait.
Sunday, May 18
Round up, round up!
63 days to go till I have a whole new last name. All of my mind, soul, heart, health, sleep has been focused on 19th July 2008. What will I do when it's the 20th? What will I have to worry about? So seeing as I'm clearly of a one tracked mind at the moment, here are a few random thoughts that come to me as I write.
I am in some serious (but funny) agony at the moment. Conrad has taught me a new kind of sit up that has left me in PAIN. Everytime I laugh or even try and use my stomach muscles in any way, I Hurt. But to be honest it's kind of nice hurt because there are some serious results going on. Who knew that sit ups actually worked?
I guess I'm a hippy. Everyone keeps trying to convince me to have elaborate flower arrangements when all I really want is to walk through a field the morning of my wedding and pick the most beautiful, free flowers that exist. Meadow flowers. Daisies. I may still get my way, but nobody really seems to get it!
Hm. Guess I really don't have much to say. All I have on my mind is losing weight, getting ready for the wedding, and um.. Nope, I say that's it. So I guess now you can see why I haven't been writing much on here!
Wednesday, April 23
One of those posts
So I have a couple of things on my mind today...
Networking or sucking up?
I attended a work related event the other day where the schedule actually had a time slot that said 'coffee and networking'. So basically the schedule telling you that this is the time to go talk to loads of people you have nothing in common with and see what they can do for you. Pretend your interested in their line of work in the desperate hope that they can further your own career. YUCK. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. I obviously do not belong in this world - I'm good at doing this, but it makes me feel like there's something seriously wrong with modern day life. What's wrong with working hard to get somewhere, why can't you just be good at your job and that's that? Apparently you have to be visible. Seriously. I don't know why this makes me so mad - just the fakeness of the workings of life makes me feel a little bit nauseous.
The downside of losing weight
I've been going to the gym and swimming 3-4 times a week in preparation for the wedding in July. I've lost quite a bit of weight and I actually feel good about the way I look right now. The downside? I know that some day (probably after the wedding) I will stop doing hardcore training and all the weight will pile back on, probably in double-time. It's depressing! And it feels so great to fit into my clothes properly and to feel good in my own skin. How do you keep motivation for exercising the rest of your life? Seriously? Does anybody know?
For future reference, it's not okay to ask me if I'm tired
I personally think it's incredibly rude to say that somebody looks tired. I am never tired, I just have darker shadows under my eyes then normal people. I try my hardest to buy industrial strength concealer but sometimes it just doesn't work. When people tell me I look tired, it's basically just telling me that I look like crap. And nobody likes to walk around thinking they look like crap.
Just felt like getting those off my chest.
Networking or sucking up?
I attended a work related event the other day where the schedule actually had a time slot that said 'coffee and networking'. So basically the schedule telling you that this is the time to go talk to loads of people you have nothing in common with and see what they can do for you. Pretend your interested in their line of work in the desperate hope that they can further your own career. YUCK. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. I obviously do not belong in this world - I'm good at doing this, but it makes me feel like there's something seriously wrong with modern day life. What's wrong with working hard to get somewhere, why can't you just be good at your job and that's that? Apparently you have to be visible. Seriously. I don't know why this makes me so mad - just the fakeness of the workings of life makes me feel a little bit nauseous.
The downside of losing weight
I've been going to the gym and swimming 3-4 times a week in preparation for the wedding in July. I've lost quite a bit of weight and I actually feel good about the way I look right now. The downside? I know that some day (probably after the wedding) I will stop doing hardcore training and all the weight will pile back on, probably in double-time. It's depressing! And it feels so great to fit into my clothes properly and to feel good in my own skin. How do you keep motivation for exercising the rest of your life? Seriously? Does anybody know?
For future reference, it's not okay to ask me if I'm tired
I personally think it's incredibly rude to say that somebody looks tired. I am never tired, I just have darker shadows under my eyes then normal people. I try my hardest to buy industrial strength concealer but sometimes it just doesn't work. When people tell me I look tired, it's basically just telling me that I look like crap. And nobody likes to walk around thinking they look like crap.
Just felt like getting those off my chest.
Thursday, April 10
How to be cool in London
- You will either be training to run the London Marathon next month, or you have already ran the marathon a couple of times and are giving yourself the year off. One year, you travelled to New York just to add the New York Marathon to your list.
- You wear brightly coloured opaque tights - yellow, blue, pink - underneath beige grandma-heels. To add to the look, sometimes you have a matching headscarf - You know, like the one your grandma used to wear when she made her weekly trip to the Laundromat.
- As soon as the calendar hits April, you have booked yourself into at least TWO of England's renowned music festivals. Which festival you go to defines what kind of person you are, and people will judge you purely on your festival-going choices.
- When asked what you're doing for the weekend, you have plans for Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday day and Sunday night. None of these times will be spent with the same person - You are a social butterfly and nobody can hold your interest long enough for you to hang around.
- Your parents are so rich that they buy you a house overlooking the Thames. You whinge about not having any money and the fact that it's so hard to find a job in The Arts.
You are always busy. You never watch TV - in fact, I think you're too cool for TV, unless there's something very cult and different that nobody else in the world knows. And as soon as they start watching it, you start hating it.
I am none of those.
Friday, March 28
What A Drag
What a drag it is when the routine of everyday life sucks all the creativity out of you. My homework for myself this weekend is to sit down and write a song. Or a poem. Or just some kind of creative writing.
Listening to a song on the way into work today made me realise that the monotomy of everyday life can really take it out of you. I never saw myself as the office-living girl, the girl who takes the same route to work everyday, the girl who comes in and has her cereal with a large cup of coffee. I hate routine - it turns you into a zombie. It makes you focus on normality, and once again, I hate normality.
I just want to crawl out of this skin and fly off into another one. Gone are the days that I can hand my notice in and book a trip somewhere without thinking twice about it. Money has to come, money has to go places, money rules the world. If only I didn't care so much about it, I would be off in a jiffy - Me, my flipflops and long, unruly hair taking over the coasts of the world.
Oh, to be 'free'.
Listening to a song on the way into work today made me realise that the monotomy of everyday life can really take it out of you. I never saw myself as the office-living girl, the girl who takes the same route to work everyday, the girl who comes in and has her cereal with a large cup of coffee. I hate routine - it turns you into a zombie. It makes you focus on normality, and once again, I hate normality.
I just want to crawl out of this skin and fly off into another one. Gone are the days that I can hand my notice in and book a trip somewhere without thinking twice about it. Money has to come, money has to go places, money rules the world. If only I didn't care so much about it, I would be off in a jiffy - Me, my flipflops and long, unruly hair taking over the coasts of the world.
Oh, to be 'free'.
Thursday, March 13
Sticking Your Neck Out
Some things you just have to do because it's good for you, whether it be good for your soul, good for your heart, or for your body. But why is it that the first step of something amazing and life changing always feels like the worst day of your life?
Okay, maybe it's just me.
Tonight I have my first meeting with a charity that I have volunteered for. The charity is still in it's first few years, so it's just a baby. But that makes it all the more exciting, because I feel I can really be a part of it and make a difference. The Clabile Trust is a charity that was founded a few years ago by someone who visited South Africa and decided she needed to do something and she could do something to make a difference in the community she became part of. And so she did.
I am so excited about becoming a part of this venture, to be a part of something I'm passionate about! To be part of something where my thoughts and experience and ideas really make a difference!
But right now, sat writing this, I feel nervous. And scared. And all sorts of scenarios are playing out in my head. Why is it that we can't go into a situation confident and understanding the big picture? All I can think of is the here and now, the next eight hours, the fifteen feet in front of me. Which is why when I was reading Ben's blog, I was so grateful to be reminded that there is a bigger picture, I need to focus on the horizon. What I'm doing does not only effect my day today, but in one years time, five years time, ten years time I may remember today with a happy remembrance that this is what started off my life-long adventure.
Okay, maybe it's just me.
Tonight I have my first meeting with a charity that I have volunteered for. The charity is still in it's first few years, so it's just a baby. But that makes it all the more exciting, because I feel I can really be a part of it and make a difference. The Clabile Trust is a charity that was founded a few years ago by someone who visited South Africa and decided she needed to do something and she could do something to make a difference in the community she became part of. And so she did.
I am so excited about becoming a part of this venture, to be a part of something I'm passionate about! To be part of something where my thoughts and experience and ideas really make a difference!
But right now, sat writing this, I feel nervous. And scared. And all sorts of scenarios are playing out in my head. Why is it that we can't go into a situation confident and understanding the big picture? All I can think of is the here and now, the next eight hours, the fifteen feet in front of me. Which is why when I was reading Ben's blog, I was so grateful to be reminded that there is a bigger picture, I need to focus on the horizon. What I'm doing does not only effect my day today, but in one years time, five years time, ten years time I may remember today with a happy remembrance that this is what started off my life-long adventure.
Thursday, February 21
Yes We Can
I was reading Dreaming of Hanoi and came upon this which stopped me in my tracks and gave me chills.
We definitely can.
Monthly Freak Out Time
So. There's five months to go until The Big Day. FREAK OUT! I seriously need to get in shape. I seriously need to find a photographer. I seriously need to feel organised. I seriously need to chill out. Thing is, the rest of the month I'm calm sedate and perfectly happy about the whole thing, and then I do a countdown and I just can not believe it! Five months to go! That's less then six!
I'm also sad because once it's gone, it's gone. I want it to be the run up to our wedding forever! This is the most fun I've had all my life!
Organising + Bossing around + Getting my way + Wedding day + Conrad = A happy Rachel!
I never want it to end.
*
Random wedding fact:
"The bride's bouquet come from a very old tradition of strong smells warding of evil spirits and bringing good fortune. During the plague in England people would wear little pouches of flower petals around their necks as not to be infected with the Plague believed to be carried by strong bad smells."
I'm also sad because once it's gone, it's gone. I want it to be the run up to our wedding forever! This is the most fun I've had all my life!
Organising + Bossing around + Getting my way + Wedding day + Conrad = A happy Rachel!
I never want it to end.
*
Random wedding fact:
"The bride's bouquet come from a very old tradition of strong smells warding of evil spirits and bringing good fortune. During the plague in England people would wear little pouches of flower petals around their necks as not to be infected with the Plague believed to be carried by strong bad smells."
Tuesday, February 19
Self assessment - Life doesn't have to be taxing!
Eddie Izzard, anyone?
It has become clear to me that I think too much. Some might think this isn't actually possible, but when it comes to assessing ones self, I really think it is.
I assess my relationships, I assess the way I'm talking to people while I'm talking to people. And what's worse is that since I've started realising that I assess myself, I am realising that I am assessing myself while I am assessing myself.
This can get kind of annoying. It hasn't helped that my degree was basically teaching me how to study people and analyse them, and since then I have taken a particular like in studying myself and therefore analysing MYSELF. The problem is, I find myself kind of fascinating. I don't really fit into any rule that exists in my head. I've been trying to figure myself out for years. Many a time I will turn to Conrad and go 'did you realise what I just did? Why do you think I did that?' And we'll sit for a couple of minutes analysing me.
Now, this could technically be healthy. Self-awareness is definitely a good thing - realising the effect you have on people and the effect they have on you. But to function as normal human being? It only occured to me recently that other people may not do this. Other people go into their lives just doing what comes naturally - I, however, have to have a reason for everything.
And here I am, writing a post about it.
It has become clear to me that I think too much. Some might think this isn't actually possible, but when it comes to assessing ones self, I really think it is.
I assess my relationships, I assess the way I'm talking to people while I'm talking to people. And what's worse is that since I've started realising that I assess myself, I am realising that I am assessing myself while I am assessing myself.
This can get kind of annoying. It hasn't helped that my degree was basically teaching me how to study people and analyse them, and since then I have taken a particular like in studying myself and therefore analysing MYSELF. The problem is, I find myself kind of fascinating. I don't really fit into any rule that exists in my head. I've been trying to figure myself out for years. Many a time I will turn to Conrad and go 'did you realise what I just did? Why do you think I did that?' And we'll sit for a couple of minutes analysing me.
Now, this could technically be healthy. Self-awareness is definitely a good thing - realising the effect you have on people and the effect they have on you. But to function as normal human being? It only occured to me recently that other people may not do this. Other people go into their lives just doing what comes naturally - I, however, have to have a reason for everything.
And here I am, writing a post about it.
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