What I wasn’t expecting was to fall absolutely head over heels, infatuation-type love with my baby. I was full of excited adrenaline. I couldn’t sleep for 2 days, even though I’d been through labour and really quite frankly needed to. I wanted to watch him sleep. I wanted to hold him really close to me. I wanted to cuddle and snuggle and be with him every second of the day and night.
I suppose it is the hormones, but really – it feels amazing. That’s one thing people don’t tell you about becoming a mother. You hear of sacrifice, of diapers, of no sleep, of the trials and tribulations. But you know what’s crazy? And please believe me when I say this because I’ve never meant anything more in my entire life:
You are so in love with this bundle that you would do ANYTHING for them and it is not difficult. Poop, sick, no sleep… I did not for the life of me care one bit. This little guy was my new everything.
There are a couple weird things that have to factor in to this. For one, your new relationship with your partner. This was a humdinger. They tell you your relationship changes - but it’s really quite difficult to explain, and it truly is not a negative change. But, there is another little being in your relationship. Another person that both of you love with all of your hearts/souls/minds. This is strange; particularly if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time (I had been with my hubby for 11 years). We were used to being each other’s ONE. We were in it together; we loved each other as no other. But then this little guy came along and I was instantly IN LOVE. There were now two, and for the first few months of a tiny baby’s life, it’s difficult to figure out how to ‘split’ your love in two.
Another weird thing I’ve been thinking is that when we have another baby – how will I love it as much as Milo? I don’t think there is physically enough love in the world for me to love more. How is it going to be possible? I’ve been told that it just happens, but in a weird, worried way, I think I can’t possibly love another human being the way I love Milo. The love is so instantaneous, so overwhelming that it is just a part of me. I can never complain, I can never get annoyed, I can never not want to be with him. He is the best thing ever. Period.
So for those who want to know what it’s like to have a baby: It’s like falling in love. It’s pure, it’s beautiful, it’s heart-wrenching, it’s all-consuming. You can’t eat, you’re full of excitement and wonder, you cry easily and often. Your heart opens and grows and explodes with the love that now comes easily to you. And you suddenly realise you have to be the best you FOR THEM. And you are more than willing to do it for the rest of your life.
4 comments:
When I was pregnant with Hannah, I was terrified of not loving her as much as I worshiped Chase. I had never in my life loved a person so all consuming like I loved my little boy. I used to cry huge tears, 9 months pregnant, worried she would not be as loved. And then, she was born, and I forgot how worried I was. I loved her as all consuming as I loved Chase and I worshiped her too. :) It was as natural as could be. As they grew and Heather came along, I find that my love for them all is quite fierce, but I love them differently because they are so different. I love them equally, but in their own way. They have a love language all their own and so when I love them, I love them according to how they receive it best. :)
I love the way you write. It's fun to have you blogging again.
so beautifully said. And it's all true, indescribably true.
Beautifully said, Rachel. It's amazing how much love there is to go around. I've gone through that, too, and now all over again with each grandchild.
I love this post - it gives me big warm fuzzies. Since I've not had children - I can only second what Beth has said based on conversations with my own mother.
And think- you had a boy - what if you have a girl next? It will be totally different! And Milo is a blondey - what if baby #2 is brunette? These are big and small differences but I'm just echoing what Beth said - even if Baby #2 is a boy and looks just like Milo - he (she) won't be Milo - different personality etc. And you'll totally love him/her. No doubt in my mind.
Yay for love and mommies and babies!
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