I have a million things to say but don't know how to say them. I have 3 half-written posts in my draft box. I'm too tired to write them right now. My body and brain is tired and I can't remember the last time they weren't. Chocolate helps, coffee helps, food helps. I'm tired. All my thoughts are on one thing at the moment and I wonder when that's going to change. I cook and boil the water while running to the shower, I run out of the room while he's watching the dog to hang the clothes up. The glamour, the intrigue... I'm tired. My thoughts are tired. I wonder if I'll be able to talk about anything other than how much I love my son again. My brain is tired. I'm unsure whether I've been 100% since he was born and I'm worried a lot of these months will be a blur.
I try never to say this, because I love him so much. Admitting exhaustion feels to me like betrayal. I love doing it all, I love him, I don't want to complain. I'm just drained.
3 comments:
Rachel, this is early infancy motherhood. And it's not a betrayal to be tired. Babies take a lot of time and energy, but the good news is as they get older, it does get better. They begin to sleep through the night and so do you. It's amazing how sleep makes everything seem all right again! Hang in there!
((hugs))
Thanks, Beth. Your comment actually made me cry. I don't have any other friends with babies, so it's so good to know I'm not the only one :)
I'm glad to be an encouragement! :) <3 Nothing more precious than these first years. They go so quickly and can be so exhausting, but they are so wonderful. Parenthood is so wonderful. :)
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