What kind of view do you have of yourself? What perspective do you see yourself from?
Me? I have a warped self view. I know this for a fact. In my eyes, I am never good enough, never interesting enough, never fun enough, never intelligent enough for you. I don’t believe I’m good at the things I’m good at – I believe they are some kind of random fluke where I have random spurts of genius that can never be replicated – and those are the particular moments that are seen by people. And that’s just talking about the vague parts of my insides. I also don’t dress cool enough, don’t wear my hair right, don’t do my make up right, don’t have the right body type… I’m just not good enough.
Perhaps it’s my perfectionism. I want to be perfect, I want to be the best ‘me’, but it’s exhausting living up to my own high standards. To put it plainly, it’s pretty much just impossible.
My problem is; this won’t go away. How do you change your self perception? At 27 years old, is it too late? Has my self awareness pattern reached the point of no return? I’m not saying I’m not confident – I am confident, I’m outspoken, I know what I think and what I feel, and I’m happy to tell people about it – but always underneath I have a complete lack of confidence in who I am.
I'm keeping my eyes and ears open for some kind of inspiration for change.
7 comments:
I think if we look at ourselves through the world's glasses, no, we will never be good enough. But if we learn to look at ourselves with God's glasses on, we begin to see the beauty in ourselves. This was something that took me a very long time to learn. I was probably in my 30's before I could look at myself in the mirror and like what I saw - inside and out. When I began to tell myself that I am exactly who God intended me to be, true acceptance of self came. This is certainly not a Sunday school lesson...it's a truth lesson. I was made this way on purpose. If I look at myself according to worldy standards I see long bow-legs, stringy straight hair, teeth that need correcting, hips too wide, ugly feet, loud voice, too honest for some people, not open enough for others, prefectionist, impatient.....but when I see myself according to God's standards, I can now see that my long legs are identical to my Grandmother's, my straight hair is a lovely color, my smile is captivating regardless of my teeth, hips that carried my precious children, a loud voice that can bring joy, an honesty some people find refreshing, patience that far out-weighs some, a loving person, perfectionism that leads to success in a lot of areas.....
So I hear ya.
I feel just the same...about myself!
You> Me> same person, I swear! I agree with Beth, we are made the way we are for a reason. I wish to GOD he didn't give me my clubbed feet and everything horrible but that came with it but I guess he did it for a reason - there are no accidents! But when you find self-acceptance, let me know because I am still forever searching. Maybe it will come when we are 50?
Have fun in India! Please blog about it :)
Great blog!
plz visit us my blog......
http://www.ghostmatters.blogspot.com/
check out mine and let me know what you think!
I can't believe I missed this a month ago - I hope you'll write about India - and also on the home page.
Hon, reading this after your blog on India, do you think that maybe your experience there has made you look at yourself differently? Love you, and know and believe you are fantastic. I am so proud of you. (and I love your hair and the way you dress =) )
Hey dude, I echo Ben and Wanderlusting- we're on the same page here. A few thoughts: it's not too late to really love yourself and moreso to really accept yourself and embrace yourself. Many of the things you said simply aren't true. There is no 'right' way to wear your hair, no 'perfect' body type, and nobody is good a everything they should be good at etc.. you're playing a negative tape in your head. Somehow you go those super high standards and created a tape that says you must meet and can never meet those standards. I personally believe those standards come from everywhere: the church, school, pop culture, and ourselves. (by the way I feel full throttle after-school special here) 3. SO- what do you do to get rid of it? be intentional about your thoughts. Control the standards you have for yourself. Remind yourself consciously and deliberately there is no standard. You just have to be You! You wear your hair the way you like it, if you don't like what its doing throw it in a bun and rock the sexy librarian look. If you suck at playing the flute, then who cares about the flute, fine for others not for you.
I don't know you very well but Nick talks about you all the time and I frequent your facebook page so I'm learning...and from all that I can tell, you're freaking awesome. But you have to learn to chill out on yourself. Extend the grace and love you give others to yourself. I think you can do it.
By the way, my list goes like this: I'm a slob, I can't write, I talk too much, too often unsolicitedly give my opinion, I procrastinate too much, I'm terrible with money, I chew my nails which makes me feel like I'm three, and I don't wash my clothes frequently enough...that's just a start. ;-)
None of this is meant to say quit trying to be awesome. I'm with you in believing that we should be the best people we try to be. I think we just need to realize what that really means, and I don't think it has a thing to do with hair or what you are and are not good at.
Post a Comment