- A work trip to India I will be taking in 10 days. Without Milo. I had to get a fastrack passport due to loosing my old one. This was stressful and expensive. I'm still waiting for my India visa, which is stressful and expensive (thankfully I'm not paying for that one). I will be without Milo. I have to book the flights, and at 18 weeks pregnant I do not want to do connecting flights to Dubai. Oh please help me Lord. The only other option is £500 more expensive - I can't get a charity to pay for that.
- I am 16 weeks pregnant. I'm happy - but it entails migraines and sickness and fussiness and I am one hormonal mess. I wish I could be nicer to my husband.
- My department is going through a massive re-shuffle. This means that I can apply internally for a manager job I have wanted for a very long time. This means I'm competing against one of my friends. This means if I don't get it, I could technically be managed by somebody I have managed before. This is not ideal. The application deadline is the day before I go to India. The job interviews are the days after I get back from India.
My brain is fried. I don't want to miss halloween with my toddler. I don't want to miss anything he is doing. I don't want to be stressed. I don't want to go away. I want to be seen as competent at work. I don't want to feel sick anymore. I would very much like October and November to disappear and get me to Christmas where I can concentrate on my family and be over all of these shenanigans.
More than anything, I don't want to be a selfish woman who cannot see all of the blessings and miracles she has in her life. I don't want to be a pregnant witch. But I am.
2 comments:
((HUGS)) I know this feeling well. It comes and goes along with life. Love to you sweet cousin.
I believe that you can do it. You may be away from Milo, but you'll have your new baby with you. Talk to your new baby - explain everything you're seeing. Milo and Conrad are going to have some fun boy time. You will be in India doing what your heart yearns to do. It would be better if life never made us choose between all the yearnings of our hearts, but maybe not - maybe sacrifice and choosing between things makes us better in some way. I'm not sure how and I'm sure it doesn't feel like that - but I believe that you have an enormous amount of strength and love within you that will get you through these next few months. Use the passion for your cause in your application - speak with emotion and reason - funnel them together into a powerful and undeniable combination that shows wisdom and leadership. Take that drive with you to India - write passionately about what you see. And when you come back - if you don't get the gig - know that you have bigger priorities - focus on Milo and the new baby. Either way - I believe you can do it. I believe you can make it. I believe you will dig deeper within yourself and breathe deeper than you ever have before and find a way to keep going. You can do it.
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