Here is the post where I need space to rant, whinge, whatever you want to call it.

Being a working mom is hard. I hate it for many reasons; number one is being away from my son in his most formative years.

Not far down the list is being completely out of the social circle at work. Because I am unable to go out and be young and irresponsible, I stop even getting asked. That hurts. I appreciate that people stop asking me to do things because they ‘know’ I’ll say no – but really – pretending I don’t exist is just worse.

And social office chitchat. I used to be the queen of chitchat. Now, I only work 4 days and I have to get as much done as I possibly can in a short space of time. And I don’t care where you went out last night or what kind of shoes you’re wearing or that amazing curry you made last night. I know I should care, but right now? I really don’t. People don’t even small talk with me.  I smile at people and it gets ignored. I feel like a social leper.

And on top of all this, I want to scream ‘I DON’T CARE!’ I’m here to do my work and to do it well. Why should being part of a clique be important to me? I don’t want it to be. At 30 years old, you think it wouldn’t be. But here I am again, feeling like the girl in the corner that no-one wants to talk to. And I want to say I WANT TO GO HOME TO MY FAMILY WHO LOVE ME! And screw all of you.

I am also tired. I got woken up twice last night, had to stop three tantrums before I came to work, snuggled my firstborn as much as I could so he knew I love him while I’m away, hold back a shedload of emotions and try and figure out what to do when I’m on work time. I should not care about this awkward pre-teen crap. And I don’t feel like trying to solve all these non-existent issues that you think are so important.

Also? When you ask how my son is? I can tell you don't care, so please don't ask so we don't have to have that awkward conversation where I tell you things and you stare blankly at me, trying to look interested. I'd rather not go through that charade.

Like I said, being a working mom sucks.

And I may be just a little bit snarky.

AFTERNOTE: As I read this, I realise how contradictory it is. I say I don't care, but I care. I say I don't want to hear about crap, but I do. I hope whoever reads this realises that I'm a confused weirdo who needed a good rant.