I've got a serious case of Gotta Get Outta Here's and there's nothing I can do. This has never happened to me before. I would usually go to extreme lengths to get outta here if I had to (present residential country). I would go into horrible debt, sell all earthly possessions.. but I can't.

Hormones are something ELSE. I'm irrational and emotional at the best of times, and wow do I feel bad for Conrad right now. When I feel sad, it is immense. When I feel angry, it is extreme. When I feel nervous or tentative about the future, it becomes verge-of-needing-valium anxiety. This baby is making me crazy. And I'm already a little crazy anyway.

Other emotions include extreme want to keep the baby safe - being scared of woods. Seriously, scared of going in the woods. I could only imagine this was hyperdrive protection mode, because there is nothing freaky about woods.

Definite nesting instincts. I don't want to be at work, but not just in a 'I don't feel like working way'.. in a I belong with my family (Conrad and bump), I want to be with them NOW way.

Add to all these things a really heavy dose of guilt. Guilt that being here isn't enough, guilt that I feel anything so strongly besides what I feel I should be feeling.

Anyway, most strongly I want to be somewhere else. I know internet land is sick of me saying this, but I need to get away so I can realise that I like England again. So I can feel homesick and want to be here. Because right now, I just want to get away.

p.s. as a side note, one thing that is keeping me going is the most amazing watermelon I've found at the local Greek cornershop. It is better than anything I have ever tasted. England doesn't do watermelon, so this is just a taste of paradise. I can close my eyes and see the mediterranean.

I’m mad about the amount of sun England has.

1. When the sun’s out, every single other person in the UK decides to do the exact same thing you decided to do, at the exact same time.
2. People wear short skirts and short shorts that really just shouldn’t
3. You can only be happy with the sunshine ‘in the moment’… you cannot plan. Once a BBQ or day to the park is planned, the weather will change.
4. You can’t pack your winter clothes away. At some point soon, you will need that thick sweater or that thick pair of socks.
5. Every single outdoor space is packed to the gilt
6. If you try to do anything summery, it just ends up feeling like a Brit’s Abroad Tenerife holiday. Or something equally as awful
7. Your tan that you’re nicely topping up will disappear in two day’s time when the grey sky and concrete slabs of dullness come back
8. Sunshine is bittersweet. It will soon leave and you will feel empty and used.
9. English people complain. SERIOUSLY! They complain that it isn’t sunny, and then as soon as it’s warmer than 20 degrees, they complain that it’s too hot. TOO HOT! And too sunny! This is stupid.
10. All winter long you wait for the sunshine to come back and the hot days to wash over you. Mid June you realise it never happens – why do you always expect it?
11. You take 5 days off for Bank Holiday weekend; it is grey and cold every single day. The day you go back to work it is 27 degrees and sunny.
12. Every summer will be the same. You think it will be different, but it will be the same.
13. You pay way too much for way too little. My garden is a courtyard that would laughably be called a gutter to some in the world.
14. I'm having a baby so I can't spend money on going somewhere I can forget about the greys, whites and dullness of the sky here. I want to go away so I can forget it and come back and love it again. As of right now, I'm mad at it.